Well, It All Started Like This
by a mountain of gideon's scones
Summary: The MV gang, Oliver, Myrnin and Sam are in trouble: they've been hacking each other's facebooks! What is the whole story and just WHAT does Amelie think? R&R T for some language.


_Inspired by Hanzii's facebook hacking/ status posting of ME!_

_I don't own anything_

_For Vitzy, who I said I would be writing a crackfic to, but then never did it!_

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"Today, my fellows," Amelie begins, her voice sharp and pointed as she directs her speech at Claire, Michael, Myrnin, Sam, Oliver, Shane and Eve. "We are going to be learning the importance of _not hacking into other's Facebook pages_," she continues, hissing the last 11 or so syllables… maths is not her forte, after all.

Michael looks shocked at this, his hand over his heart. "B-but, Amelie, I haven't done _anything_ wrong, honest!" he cries, wiping a tear from his eye with his other hand.

Everyone else looks disturbed whilst Sam simply whacks him over the back of the head. "Grow up, Michael. _I'm_ Amelie's lover and if _I'm_ here, then you are as well. Understand?"

Michael nods and sinks to the floor, clutching the back of his head and crying. But the rest of them ignore him as Amelie presses a button (who knew she had caught up on her technology) and reveals everyone's facebook walls.

"Now, you are not even supposed to _have_ facebook, but I allowed you to," she says coolly…

"But _you_ have facebook as well!" they all chorus, indignated.

She blushes and ducks her head for a moment before regaining her composure. "I am the Founder and ruler of this town; therefore I am allowed things you are not. For example, the hot tub in the garden," she drifts off, ignoring the shouts of indignation from the teenagers who have wanted a hot tub for _ages_.

This is all besides for Sam, who seems hurt. "You… you never invited _me_ to share your hot tub," he states, his lower lip quivering.

"Grow up, Sam," she sighs before clearing her throat. "Anyway, back to the point. You have all been insulting one another and hacking each other's facebook accounts. Claire, would _you_ like to explain to me what is going on?" she asks the only person who could have a chance of giving a truthful account: Myrnin and Oliver would lie to blame the other; Michael… well he's out of it; Sam wouldn't because he's still depressed about not sharing Amelie's hot tub and Shane and Eve would just blame someone else.

Claire hesitates before stepping forwards and smiling. "Well, it all started when Myrnin commented on my photo, telling me how hot I am," she starts, blushing slightly.

"Only because it's the truth," Myrnin mutters, causing Shane to glower at him.

"So, yeah, Myrnin did that… so Shane got really pissed off and then commented on Myrnin's wall, telling him that he is an ugly bloodsucker who couldn't get anyone to sleep with him," Claire continues, remembering how fifteen people liked that wallpost. "So, in response, Myrnin hacked Shane's account and then posted on Oliver's wall, as Shane, saying that he adores him and wants to marry him."

"Which I don't," Shane butts in, keen for this piece of information to be put across

"I _know_ you don't, Collins, because I don't want to marry you either," Oliver rolls his eyes and steps away from the shaggy haired human who doesn't seem too sad to see him leaving.

"_Anyway_, back to the story: so, Oliver apparently was marrying Shane – which, by the way, got forty seven likes – but Oliver didn't like being called homosexual. So he commented on it, tagging Michael in the comment, that he was lying and that Michael was in fact having a secret affair with Shane," Claire continues, smiling as she remembers the argument that went between Oliver and Michael: "you are", "I'm not", "you are", "I'm not".

Amelie rolls her eyes and dreams of her hot tub – banned everywhere else because of water shortages – as she heaves a sigh. "I would like to reach the end of the story today, so would you _please_ hurry up?"

Claire nods and motions to Michael, showing how he is the next big thing in the story. "So, Michael was upset that Oliver had called him gay, so he decided to post photos of himself naked everywhere, the point of which I'm not really seeing but anyway," Claire says, not seeing the point. "So this got Eve really, _really_ mad, so she yelled at Michael – caps locks, people - and told him that their engagement was over. So she became single and Michael was depressed, commenting on Eve's wall that he loves her and wants her back."

Eve nods here. "Yes, he commented on my wall forty nine times and then liked and commented on _every single status I have ever posted_," she snarls at him, making him look up from his sheepish state in shock.

"I had to… I had to show you how much I love you and that the pictures were a mistake to show that I wasn't in love with Shane," he sobs, but Claire gets annoyed.

"Guys,_ I_ am telling the story, so shut up or leave," Claire hisses, sounding more like a vampire than any of the actual vampires. Or a dictator… it's a close call.

"Yes sergeant!" they all chorus, raising their hand in a salute to her. She ignores the sarcasm here and simply takes it as a compliment.

"So, yeah, Michael was pissing Eve off, so she hacked into his account – not a hard password, Michael Glass – and began to tell everyone that he was fuck buddies with Sam," Claire, like the rest of the people who knew the meaning of this, begins to laugh… well, Sam and Michael don't and Oliver, Myrnin and Amelie don't. This actually means that only three people are actually laughing, the others not entirely sure what it means or are the subject of the matter, which is not a majority.

"What is this 'fuck buddy'?" Amelie asks, her voice making the harsh words seem delicate.

"Um… it's like… erm, what you and Sam are _supposed_ to be doing but just with Michael instead… like incest in their case," Shane explains it without graphical terms, shaking with laughter as he does so.

Finally, the elder vampires understand, the males roaring with laughter whilst Amelie turns a strange peach colour – a bad thing, since peach is her least favourite colour.

"So, yeah, Sam got upset about this and so began to defend himself, calling Eve a prostitute and insinuating that she was shacking up with Oliver in Common Grounds after hours," Claire wishes that they had used less graphical things in their insults so that she wouldn't have to relay them to Amelie. "This made Oliver _really_ mad, so he hacked into Sam's account and then posted on Shane's wall about how hot his girlfriend is and that Michael is interested," she blushes as she talks about herself in the third person.

"This is getting interesting, I think we need popcorn," Myrnin says, his involvement in this story not entirely over.

"This meant that Eve thought Michael was cheating as well, so she hacked into his again and changed his relationship to 'sleeping with the enemy' before telling Oliver that Myrnin had dreams about him," Claire continues, sighing deeply. "Oliver then responded to tell him that he dreams of someone every night and it is _not_ him because he has heard Myrnin moaning their name every night through the portal and it's _not_ Oliver," she doesn't reveal this person but they all know who it is, especially with whose photo Myrnin commented on originally.

"You should probably strengthen the portals," Amelie advises Myrnin, who blushes at the mention of his dreams.

"I shall do later," he confirms, waggling his eyebrows to try and appear like a supervillian but not being very successful.

"So Myrnin is depressed about having his nighttime discussed on Facebook – the wall post got seventy four likes by the way – so hacks into Oliver's account and then begins to post on Shane's wall how much he wants the marriage thing to work," Claire says, groaning slightly. "Sam then gets involved and wonders – on Eve's account – why Shane isn't marrying Michael since they're happy together. This ends with Michael yelling that he is _not_ gay and that he is happy with Eve. Eve then decides to change Michael's relationship status back to engaged to her so they are happy," Claire breathes a sigh of relief that two of the seven involved are back to normal.

"What next?" Amelie asks, looking at her wall to find that there has been activity there also.

"So, Shane said to Myrnin that he had had a fling with you in the past, but Myrnin denied it, insisting it was Oliver," Claire says, wondering if the shoot the messenger thing still exists. "This made Sam really angry, so he hacked into Oliver's account and then told everyone that he loves Shane and hates you, Amelie. Sam then, on his own account, posted a link to this from Oliver's wall to yours so that you would see the hate…"

"Good idea, if you ask me," Myrnin mutters and Sam gives him a high five.

"Oliver got depressed at this, so hacked Sam's account and then told the world – only three likes though – that Sam was gay and enjoyed sleeping with ponies."

"It was the only thing I could think of," Oliver defends his random choice of animal.

"Surely dogs would have made more sense?" Myrnin asks, closing his eyes. "Actually, a highland pony would have been better since they're both ginger," he changes his mind with a smile. Then Sam hits him, so he shuts up.

Claire continues with the story, which is near the end… thankfully. "So, Myrnin stuck up for Sam, calling Oliver a slimy dog who loved you, Amelie, and then called Shane a piece of poop that wasn't good enough to be on the underside of his shoe," Claire reaches the second to last part of the story before…

"Well, I have Claire so _there_," Shane snaps at Myrnin, who rolls his eyes.

"I spend all day every day with her… and she loves me, not you," he retaliates. "And I'm hotter than you… and richer… with better taste in clothes."

"Guys!" Sam butts in, jumping between the arguing pair. "I'm right and you're both wrong… Claire is going out with Bob, the spider," he informs them both, shocking them to the core.

"Let's leave it there," she suggests, holding her hands up to ignore them all. "So, yeah, Myrnin began, as Oliver, spamming your wall to tell you he hates you. This meant that Oliver began to spam Shane's wall and tell him that he slept with me, which is entirely untrue, before, finally, Sam posted on your wall that he wants to marry you. And that is the end… once and for all," Claire says firmly, stepping to sit down in one of the chairs.

Amelie is stunned that this is the end of the story and squints to look at her wall, seeing that Sam _did_ ask her to marry him.

"Well, punishments… Claire, since you were innocent, you can keep facebook," Amelie decides. "Michael, you have a ban of three weeks, Eve six months but the rest of you are forbidden to use it again… besides Sam, who is also now innocent," she decides that her lover is innocent as well, which angers the rest of them.

"Blooming favouritism," Myrnin mutters, siding with Oliver as they trounce out of the door together. Shane sits and cries, depressed he can no longer chat to the hot British girls…

"Amelie, will you marry me?" Sam asks her again and she hesitates. Then she answers.

"Would you like to share my hot tub?"

**THE END**.

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_Whatcha think?_

_Please review!_

_Vicky xx_


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